Monday, June 16, 2008

How to Effectively Praise Your Child

Parenting experts tell us that it is important to praise your children regularly, and that praise affects behavior patterns more than discipline does. And one of the best ways to show your love and concern to your children is to give them positive feedback. Here are some tips and ideas about effectively praising your child.


1. Tell the child specifically what they are doing, or what they did, that you are happy with. For example, "Taylor, I appreciate how you are sharing your toys with Steve." Or, "Kara, it made me feel good today when I saw you go out of your way to clean up after your little sister."
2. When you praise them, make direct eye contact so they know they have your full attention. Giving them a little pat on the shoulder or a squeeze of their hand or arm will further reinforce your positive feedback.
3. Make sure the comment you make is all positive. Sometimes as parents, we may be tempted to insert a little sarcasm or negativity. Have you ever found yourself saying something like "Good job on cleaning up your room, Sam. After all my nagging, it's about time you did it on your own." Leave out the negatives and your child will hear real praise.
4. Consider using a double dose of praise. This one you can do with your partner or another adult. First, praise the child alone. Then, later, tell your partner or another adult about the good deed. Then, the other adult gives positive feedback also. This "double dose" concept sends an extra strong message of positive reinforcement.
5. You can also praise with non-verbal methods. A hug, a smile, a wink, or a pat on the shoulder can also communicate love, acceptance and appreciation.


Tips:
1. Try to find at least three opportunities every day to praise your child. The more praise, the better.
2. Often, children need attention; even negative attention is better than no attention at all. Giving frequent praise can avoid the need for children to act out inappropriately to get parental attention.
3. Always try to reprimand in private, but praise in public.

Source: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/effectivediscipline/ht/effectivepraise.htm?nl=1

Teaching Children to be Grateful

1. Make a List
From time to time, we take some time as a family to make a list of the things we are grateful for. Our kids have usually said things like a favorite toy or food. But sometimes they will express thanks for a family where they feel safe or for a dad's income that lets them have a few luxuries. The older ones almost always mention access to a car or the concern of a parent. It is fun to watch their priorities change as they grow older.
2. Set the Example
Parents have to model behavior they hope their children adopt as their own. A simple, sincere expression of gratitude when the kids do something they were asked to do is always appropriate. Taking an extra moment to thank a sales clerk at the store or to tip your news carrier for getting the paper on the porch every day lets them know that gratitude is acceptable and encouraged.
3. Don't Demand Thanks
"I work my fingers to the bone every day for you, and I never hear a word of thanks" was a popular litany in the home of one of my friends when I was a youngster. Avoid demanding thanks from your children. They will internalize example much more than they will threats or humiliation. If you offer it sincerely to them, they will learn the skills of gratitude.
4. Teach Through Role Playing
If you notice a lack of the gratitude attitude, consider a little role playing. Have the kids act out a scenario where someone went out of their way for someone else, and have the receiver express gratitude. You might even consider a negative example and see how the giver feels when his or her giving is ignored.
5. Establish Family Traditions
In our home, dad gives a "speech" before every holiday dinner (at mom's insistence). I always talk about the blessings we have in our family (even if it's not Thanksgiving). Some families at Sunday dinner go around the table and ask each child to name one thing they are thankful for. Still others write thank you notes after every birthday and Christmas. By having family rituals that center on gratitude, children learn to express thanks.
6. Offer Service
My wife's elderly uncle lives a few blocks away and we have volunteered as a family to weed his front flower bed now that he and his wife are less able to keep up. They are so appreciative of our service, and the kids feel good when we spend the morning working at Uncle Lavon's. Try taking the family to a nursing home or a homeless shelter to volunteer. They will often find that a little selfless service tends to make selfishness go away.
7. Try Going Without
From time to time, have a family project that involves going without something important. For example, try making bread for a week rather than buying it, or try walking to any destination less than two miles away. A little sacrifice causes us to miss things that we take for granted and helps us be a little more humble and grateful when the thing is restored.
8. It's the Little Things
A little common courtesy can go a long way, and taking time to notice the little acts of service in a family or a neighborhood can be so positive. Look for ways to say thank you often.

Source: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/valuesandspirituality/a/gratitude.htm?nl=1

Think Kid Safety at Home

For parents who work full-time, their children may spend school breaks with childcare providers or babysitters, or even at home with older siblings for short periods of time. How can we arm our kids to help them stay safe during these breaks from school?
1. Leave two emergency phone contacts, including that of an at-home neighbor, if possible.
2. Tell your child who they are and show them where the information is posted.
3. Even the youngest child should know when and how to dial 9-9-9. Most emergency operators are experienced in dealing with young children and can comfort and reassure a young caller while help is on the way.
4. Provide specific activities that can keep them safely busy while you are gone. A game, puzzle, an art project, or a scavenger hunt can provide hours of fun and keep little hands busy.
5. Let your child or his sitter know want play to be restricted to inside or if you are comfortable with outdoor play while you are gone.
6. If you have a no-friend-over rule while you are gone, make that clear to your child and the sitter. You are the best judge of whether your child is old enough to handle the company of a friend without your direct supervision.
7. Before you leave, put away all matches and candles and any other objects that curious minds might want to explore.

Source: http://childcare.about.com/od/childsafe2/a/schoolbreaks.htm